I was listening to Dave Ramsey the other day talking about student loans. In the last year I have personally had my eyes opened about student loans and I’ll tell you why.

I used to think the IRS were tough, mean, not my friend… until I started learning about the people behind the student loan programs.

The IRS might take your money but the student loan officials suck out your soul.

There’s really no negotiating with them. Your spouse could be dying, you could be going blind, and your dog could have lost three legs and they would still demand their money. Even if you qualify for a forbearance it can take three years. Yeah, send the notice to my cardboard box under the viaduct by that time.

Remember, you cannot wipe out your student loan debt with any kind of bankruptcy.

What frequently happens to people is that they assume (as my husband and I did.) Never assume.

• They assume they’re going to graduate–many people don’t.
• They assume they’re going to get a great job and the loan payments won’t be a problem. Lots and lots of people don’t (I recently read about a guy who graduated from law school from a top university and could not get a job.)
• And, people assume they’ll go to grad school and graduate landing that super, high paying job (that was our mistake.) Oodles of people do not. They just have a parchment.

So here’s what Dave Ramsey said about student loans: just don’t.

Don’t borrow money against your future. You never know what’s going to happen. The exceptions, unfortunately, are probably the high end careers like doctors, dentists, and Indian chiefs.

If you or your child or spouse are headed for college and you have no money consider these options:

• Delay going until you have the money.
• Go to a community college to get your basics (make sure credits transfer!!)
• Go part time and work.
• Turn over every rock to find even small scholarships and grants.
• Find a job that helps pay tuition.
• Find a job where student loans can be forgiven (e.g. the federal government or inner city schools) but, be careful. If you lose that job you are harnessed with tremendous debt.
• Go to school until you die (at a ripe old age) thereby postponing payment (who doesn’t want another PhD at 91?) As far as I know the student loan officials have no authority six feet under. I could be wrong, though.

There are changes in the works for income based repayment plans that should help people who already have loans.

But my advice is to just say no!

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NOW HERE’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE FUNNIES:

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”

“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”

“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.

“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther. “I didn’t send that one, either.”

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, “What was that for?”

Abe answers, “They’ll find us!”

Your comments are appreciated.

There are a lot of reasons to despair. But not money. Especially not to the degree that you should contemplate suicide. Here’s ten reasons why:

1. Money is fluid. It comes and go. A dear friend of mine lost her mother to suicide. Her mother was overwhelmed with financial problems. In just a few weeks after her death her financial situation would have improved. My friend grew up without a mother and suffered immensely her entire life. There is nothing more constant than change.
2. In the United States we no longer have debtor’s prisons. If we cannot handle our financial burdens we have a legal recourse: bankruptcy. The day of your bankruptcy I guarantee you that the world will continue to spin, the sun will warm the Earth, and you will survive.
3. You will be missed. And the pain left behind will be permanent. Do not underestimate this.
4. If you are overwhelmed with money problems and thinking about suicide chances are you are just thinking–wishing–for an escape. Death simply is not a good choice. Sail around the world with no forwarding address. Get a new job. Adopt a puppy. Sing a song. Death is not an option.
5. “All that is great cannot be possessed-and that is one of the most foolish things man goes on doing. We want to possess.” Osho.Have you ever just laid under a tree-a really tall tree-and watched the clouds and the birds and the squirrels? Peace. Find that and you will be rich, richer than most of the people on this planet.
6. If you feel you have failed and you feel the weight of someone’s judgment you must diminish this. If someone is judging you by your checkbook balance what kind of a judge are they? Rotten. Limited. Warped. A sandwich short of picnic. Not the shiniest penny in the fountain. Hard hearted (relative of the Grinch.)  Kick ‘em out the door. They’re sucking up all your oxygen!
7. You are built to learn and change. All humans are. You (like the famous examples below) can grow and launch a whole a new life as a result of your trials and tribulations.
8. You do not know what the future holds. Perhaps aliens will

   

   Image by Cayusa via Flickr

   land in your backyard, you befriend them, and are instantly famous and rich. Perhaps you discover a new color, or a widget that replaces an outdated widget that will make you millions. Perhaps you are needed to save a child’s life. Perhaps someone will need a friend in the future and that person is you. You simply don’t know what the future holds. It may be fantasmagorical! Hang in there and see.

9. If you are feeling suicidal I would be willing to be a month’s wages that you have depression. If you have depression (which I have had my entire life) it causes you to see the world through a warped, broken lens. Things look worse than they are. Feelings become reality. (Feelings, by the way, are not reality. If we “feel” the sun will never come out again after a long period of gray days we are not accurate.) Please, seek professional help. You can feel better.
10. Some of the most notable people in our country’s history went bankrupt and then went on to become millionaires. The world would be much poorer if these souls had killed themselves over money. And the key to remember is that their lives improved dramatically over time. (What does your “Trump tower” look like?)

• Abraham Lincoln
• Henry Ford
• Walt Disney
• Milton Hershey
• Donald Trump
• Burt Reynolds
• H.J. Heinz
• P.T, Barnum
• Ulysses S Grant
• Tony Robbins
• Thomas Jefferson
• Harry Truman

…and the list goes on.

Take a breath. Seek help. I care very much about you and the struggle you are facing. Hang in there. You don’t know what the future holds.

(As a post note you should think about the fact that if you are thinking of ways to kill yourself keep this in mind: you just might survive. As a physical therapist I saw many cases of attempted suicide with horribly tragic results: a gunshot to the head left a teen with the abilities of a 2 year old, a man who took an overdose ended up in a nursing home, unable to speak or walk, and extremely angry, a boy threw himself in front of a train, “bounced” off, his legs amputated, a young woman shot herself in the chest and became paralyzed. The more sure your method the more disastrous the outcome may be. Don’t try it.)

NOW HERE’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE FUNNIES:

ENJOY WHAT YA GOT!

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It renders images of deprivation, of telling ourselves we “can’t have that,” “we can’t do this,” “we can’t afford that.”

Listen to the inner messages those statements are making: “we’re poor, we’re a loser, we’re broke, we failed, life is filled with doom and gloom, do not pass go, do not collect $200…”

How long will it be before we’re back at the mall or going out to eat to rub healing salve on these

harmful statements?

I recently read a favorite blog of mine and the readers were talking about setting a strict budget and sticking to it. I was afraid I was going to get my knuckles rapped.

We all know that for most of us that just won’t work.

So, what do we do?

First pay for those items that must get paid: mortgage, insurance, charity, utilities, medical, minimum loan payments, etc.

Set your priority (e.g.paying an extra $300 on a credit card this month AND joining a professional group or buying some equipment related to your dream, e.g. a writer’s association, a business association, a travel group, or buy a tablesaw, etc.)

Pay for that.

And then have a FLEXIBLE budget.

“I have $400 for everything else. Hmmm. I really want (fill in the blank.) If I just have a couple of pots of soup for the week and pack my lunches, I can afford it!”

That sounds like a whole lot more fun to me than we “can’t have that,” “we can’t do this,” “we can’t afford that.” And it sounds like something I could live with! Besides, I like soup.

NOW HERE’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES:

“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch?””

Winnie the Pooh

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Meet Glen Halliday of Kids Crooked House (You may have seen some of his great work on Jon & Kate Plus Eight)

–

Glen Halliday  •  CEO / Founder  •  Kids Crooked House

www.kidscrookedhouse.com

Thanks Glen for sharing. It means a lot.

Here’s one of his famous play houses. They are fantastic!

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HERE’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES:

We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths. - Walt Disney

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The number one cause of divorce in the US is financial stress. If you’re fighting constantly about money and debt try some of these activities to calm the waters.

1. Identify the problems. State what you need. Constantly screaming at each other the same thing over and over will not help. Use “I” statements to tell your partner the BARE MINIMUM that you need from them just for the next week.

• I need us to stay in this week, not eat out, not go partying, and not go to the mall.
• I need us to sit down together and balance the checkbook and pay bills.
• I need us to cut up all credit cards but one, leave one to freeze in a metal can (can’t be microwaved).
• I need both of us to take our lunches, not just me.

Agree that you will compromise JUST FOR THIS WEEK. (If you can’t agree at first then pare down the list and try again. If you still can”t agree it may be time for a counselor to step in.)

2.  At the end of the week sit down in a relaxed setting (not in the middle of the game or the kids running through screaming) and go over how the week went. Praise each other on the common ground you have found.  Set your requests for another week. Try to not discuss the money issues until the end of the week.

3. At the end of the third week decide on life dreams you both have. These are take your breath away dreams (write your novel, quit your job, sail around the world…) DECIDE that these dreams are achievable, even if money looks dreadful right now.  Make one month, very small goals towards your dreams. Goals must include both partners in order for this to work.

4. Continue to hold weekly meetings when you discuss your financial issues, with your dreams driving your process, e.g.:

• If we cut back on movies or pizza by 50% we can put $100 toward our vacation fund.
• If we fix up the kitchen maybe we could sell the house, buy a smaller one, and pay off our student loans–and start our business.

5. If things still aren’t going well, look for hidden reasons for your fights (like sex problems, big life issues such as having another child, disrespect, substance abuse, etc.). It can also indicate control issue problems in marriages and relationships that may need professional intervention.

If you have a good relationship don’t let money destroy it. Get help.

NOW HERE’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES:

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together becomes reality. – John Lennon

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